Happy xmas(?)

Christmas came and went and I felt very well. But, I felt good last year as well, and I wasn't OK, so I don't know what to think. Last year it was (or it seemed) a regular Christmas, and I think it has to do with the fact that I know I have two whole weeks without working.

Now I've already started thinking that I only have a week left and then I have to go back to work and it's kind of affecting me a bit...but I'm fighting it!

Every day I try not to think about work and let's see how things go.

I don't feel like going out for New Years Eve but my fiancee and my friends convinced me and we're going out to have dinner and then stay there and dance (it's a club). But I always have this voice in the back of my head saying that there is a small possibility that I will have a panic attacj and won't be able to make it. Still, I fight it every time I think about it.

The annoying thing about this is having to fight stupid thoughts all the time. And every time I talk about them to someone they always tell me I shouldn't be thinking them. But I'm not doing it on purpose... Bah it sucks talking to people who don't undestand and don't know what it feels like.

Hope you all had a nice xmas.

xxoo

Another day...

Another day is coming soon.


It's 00:32 and I'm feeling great, I've cancelled almost all lessons this week so I know I don't have to work. And this makes me feel light and cheerful. Like a pathetic little lazy girl who wants to skip school.

But I have to constantly tell myself that sometimes it's OK to give ourselves a little treat, and my doctor said that if I was feeling down and tired because I'd done so many things this school term, then I could give myself this xmas present. But I always wonder how I would wake up tomorrow if I had to work...

And, so far, another thing that's been bringing me a bit down is that I haven't found anyone with this phobia, no one has contacted me or commented something here just to let me know that I'm not the only person with this 'thing'. I know some people have it, but statistics don't make me feel better.

So, if you're reading this and you have or think you have my phobia, please, just say hi.

A good week to you all.

Diana

Hi, I'm Diana and I have Ergophobia.

In September 2009 I got a good job: teaching English at a school I liked, with lovely pupils, good working conditions and a good pay check. I also had a lot of private students asking for me to tutor them and I was really excited. It would be the first year I had a real job with a full schedule and a steady income.

Except it wasn't.

In October 2009 I started feeling strange: I was ill-humoured and angry all the time, I had fewer and fewer patience for the little ones, I began losing interest in preparing my lessons and, even though I slept a lot, I was always tired.

In November I began crying. Getting out of bed in the morning was awful, and by the time I sat down to eat breakfast I was already crying and dreading the day ahead. Then my fiancée usually woke up and then I would say that everything was OK, we would rush ourselves out of the house, almost always already late, and go to work. And at work I cried too: I cried when I went to the toilet, before lessons and, by the end of the month, even during one lesson while listening to Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day.

I talked to my fiancée and, together, we came to the conclusion that it was all because of stress and too much work, and if I could make it to the Christmas holidays, then the two weeks of absolutely nothing to do but enjoy the season would make me better again. And so I held on.

Christmas came and went.

In the middle of January I came home after my first morning lesson, as I usually did, to grab a quick snack and a cup of coffee before the next lesson. I ate a biscuit, drank my coffee, put on my coat, grabbed my briefcase and my purse and said goodbye to my mum. I opened the front door. And then I realised I couldn't move. Tears started falling down my face and I went back to the kitchen and said something like "I don't think I can go."

Everything else is blurred in my mind. I remember the hyperventilating, the uncontrollable shaking, the desperate crying, the cold and the feeling of danger.

That was my first panic attack.

Since then I've been medicated with antidepressants, antipsychotics and anxiolytics.First I was diagnosed with a nervous breakdown, then with depression. I didn't leave my house for a month. I stayed at home the rest of the school year, tutoring only a few students, struggling with a lot of panic attacks and my fear of leaving the house.

In July the school year was over, and so was the possibility of me going back to work. Suddenly I started feeling better, started going and eating out again, started being normal again. It was a great summer. I felt cured.

But I wasn't. I started teaching again this September, October was okay but already kind of strange, and in November I started going down again. I thought I had a problem, since I was only sick when I had to work outside of the house.

Now, and only now, almost a year later, I discovered that I have ergophobia. Not laziness, not lack of will to work, but a disease, a phobia, as real as any other.

But I feel alone. Only a few people try to understand me, but because they don't know what it feels like, they don't really get it. I'm still working, but today my battery is officially low. I cancelled my classes today and probably will cancel them next week. Again I trust that this Christmas will make a difference.

Can someone help me?
Is there anyone out there who has this and that can tell me something comforting?

Please, if you have ergophobia or you think you do, talk to me.Maybe you can help me, maybe I can help you.

xxoo

Diana

Ergophobia: The Fear of Work

Ergophobia

Ergophobia is an overwhelming, irrational fear of work. The ergophobic individual may fear that they are incapable of handling their job responsibilities and are destined to fail at work. Other people coping with Ergophobia may be fearful of work meetings or committees and having to speak in front of groups of their colleagues.

Sometimes referred to as Ergasiophobia, this word derives from the Greek “ergon”, meaning work and “phobos” meaning fear.

What Causes Ergophobia?

As is the case with all phobias, the person impacted with Ergophobia has experienced an actual trauma. That traumatic experience is that automatically and consistently associated with work.

Maybe the ergophobic person has experienced the trauma and humiliation of being terminated, from employment, due to substandard performance. Perhaps this person is severely shy and withdrawn and experiences intense anxiety when required to socialize or present work related information to co-workers. Maybe the person coping with Ergophobia lacks the necessary skills and training to perform their job and realizes that they actually are failing.

Whatever the cause, the ergophobic person can experience anxiety and emotional turmoil that is completely disruptive to their ability to function.

What Are the Symptoms of Ergophobia?

The symptoms of Ergophobia are individual and will vary from person to person. Some people, when confronted with their fear of work, may begin to perspire, feel slightly uncomfortable or become nauseated. At the opposite end of the spectrum, other people are so severely compromised by this phobia, that they may experience paralyzing anxiety and/or panic attacks.

Other symptoms of Ergophobia may include:

* A Dry Mouth

* Heart Palpitations

* Numbness

* Heightened Senses

* Breathlessness

* Feeling Dizzy

* Muscle Tension

* Hyperventilation

* Trembling

* Rapid Heartbeat

* Feeling Out of Control

* Feeling Trapped and Unable to Escape

* Intense Feeling of Impending Disaster

How Is Ergophobia Diagnosed?

The vast majority of cases of Ergophobia are self-diagnosed. The individual realizes that their fear of work is irrational and is severely compromising their ability to function on a daily basis.

The ergophobic person may discuss their phobia with the primary physician. Rarely would the doctor diagnosis Ergophobia based on that initial discussion with the patient. More routinely, after ruling out any medical reason for this phobia, the doctor will refer the person to a mental health professional for comprehensive assessment and evaluation.

How Is Ergophobia Treated?

When the fear of work becomes intense enough to disrupt an individual’s ability to function, there are a number of ways to treat Ergophobia.

These can include:

* A referral from the primary physician to a therapist who specializes in the treatment of phobias.

* Traditional “talk” therapy that will teach the person to recognize and control their phobia.

* Hypnotherapy.

* Exposure Therapy.

* Self-help techniques such as purposeful muscle relaxation.

* Support groups with other people who are coping with this specific phobia.

* Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or Desensitization Therapy.

* Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing and visualization.

* In severe cases of Ergophobia, anti-anxiety medication can be prescribed.

Ergophobia is an intense, irrational fear of work. Sometimes that fear can become so overwhelming as to completely stop a person’s ability to function on a daily basis. Unchecked, Ergophobia can become a debilitating condition that interferes with an individual’s personal life, their social life and job responsibilities. Untreated, Ergophobia can impact every aspect of a person’s life.

Source: http://healthmad.com/mental-health/ergophobia-the-fear-of-work