Happy xmas(?)

Christmas came and went and I felt very well. But, I felt good last year as well, and I wasn't OK, so I don't know what to think. Last year it was (or it seemed) a regular Christmas, and I think it has to do with the fact that I know I have two whole weeks without working.

Now I've already started thinking that I only have a week left and then I have to go back to work and it's kind of affecting me a bit...but I'm fighting it!

Every day I try not to think about work and let's see how things go.

I don't feel like going out for New Years Eve but my fiancee and my friends convinced me and we're going out to have dinner and then stay there and dance (it's a club). But I always have this voice in the back of my head saying that there is a small possibility that I will have a panic attacj and won't be able to make it. Still, I fight it every time I think about it.

The annoying thing about this is having to fight stupid thoughts all the time. And every time I talk about them to someone they always tell me I shouldn't be thinking them. But I'm not doing it on purpose... Bah it sucks talking to people who don't undestand and don't know what it feels like.

Hope you all had a nice xmas.

xxoo