2 months have gone by and I can honestly confess that I feel the same way as I did before...The same feeling that something is wrong, the same sense of uselessness when I think about my work, the same difficulty of getting up in the morning, the same desperate need to get better...
My doctor has increased my antidepressant and for a couple of weeks I felt better, but now everything is slowly going back to where I started.
Is this thing ever going to disappear? Am I ever going to feel the way I felt before about my job, pride and excitement and adrenaline? Will this ever go away?
Someone please tell me something good. xo
Diana--
ResponderEliminarIm glad to have found someone that feels like me exactly--I think most of us can help--I know guys that have got out of this mess You have helpoed me alreaady with your despcriptions---Its late now but Ill reconnect later--Jerry jerry1million AT yahoo.com
Hi, Diana! I think we have two things in common. I am an English teacher too, and you may just be able to guess at the other thing we share.
ResponderEliminarI was quite badly bullied in a workplace at the beginning of my teaching career, so I have never been able to shake the constant fear that I will lose my job. I probably WILL lose my job soon, as that fear is getting in the way of my performance.
I have not been diagnosed with ergophobia; I do not know if it is really that bad. However, I look forward to visiting here often.
How have you been lately ? I doubt you remember me, I commented here months ago, I was confused whether I might have this phobia :)
ResponderEliminarToday I know it is not this phobia, I've been diagnosed with Bipolar lately . .
But I am here to hear out about you, how u hold on
Hi Diana. I've just came across your blog and even reading it has made me feel better. I don't feel so alone! What attracted me to your blog was the fact that you are a teacher. I finished my teacher training in June and have been since looking for work. I found the training year so intense that I gave myself the excuse that I needed 'a break' but its now October and I feel like my fear of getting a new job is getting worse. I find myself using excuses so has not to apply for teaching jobs such as theres so few in my area and how its so hard to get a job. But a job has came up in the town where I am and I know the school as I did my training there. So 'ideally' I should be overjoyed and excited, but I'm not.. I applied for the job hoping my nerves would go away. The closing date was 2 days ago and I'm living in fear by the phone, relieved at every hour that goes by and I haven't been called for interview. I considered that maybe if this was the feeling I'm getting when applying for teaching jobs that maybe its not the career for me. So i've applied for a range of jobs and went to two interviews but still hope I don't get the job. What is wrong with me??? I'm considering teaching abroad too but am I just running away from my problems, who's to say I won't feel exactly the same there. I've tried to think of reasons for my fear and I think the majority of it comes from my fear of failure and not meeting standards. I've always been a shy person, preferring to keep myself to myself. I've always loved art and design and really believed teaching it was what I wanted to do. I think I excelled everyones expectations of me as as the shiest person in my trainee class, I was receiving great reviews in the classroom. I felt that this was what I wanted to do, I knew I was good at it. But more than anything I think its the pressure I put on myself to do well that has led me to this. I had one bad experience in the classroom when I was left alone with a group of 15 year olds and lost control of the class. But i never quit and put it behind me as best I could to finish the course. I was bullied myself when I was in secondary school and so still get knots in my stomach if I have to walk past a group of sneering teenage girls. Maybe this fear, the fear of achieving pupil success and my fear to socialise with other members of staff have all combined in a massive ball to develop my fear! But this still doesn't explain my fear of finding other work! The idea of teaching in a foreign land appeals to me as I don't think there would be as much pressure to achieve exam results and the pupils there WANT to learn, not like the ones I've been teaching in the Uk. But it's a massive risk to take if I don't even like it when I get out there! I'm at a loss what to do. My self confidence has plummeted so low I don't want to leave the house and my stomach is full of nerves every time I try looking for a job. Any advise you have would be great. Did you feel like this before you got your teaching post?
ResponderEliminar